Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Perceptions, misconceptions, concussions and repurcussions

From the second, the very second of impact.
Concuss "to shake violently"
That flash of white, at impact. What was that?
Was it all the electricity suddenly jolted out of my brain cells?
That is what I am told.
It really has me thinking....

A line from a Who song plays in my head..
"Is it me, for a moment"
Quadrophenia
I think back to when this started, after the accident.
There was a time, I looked in the mirror.
And I couldn't see me.
Oh, I could see myself, no problem.
Not visual, but perceptual.
I looked into my own heavily glazed eyes.
I wasn't there.
Disconcerting.

I had a pretty good past week, not great, not "I am all better", but good
and I was feeling positive.
But like the diametrically opposed nature of many people's thinking, well, yah just can't have positive without negative.
The ups without the down.
And the down came suddenly, like a door slamming shut.
It was that dramatic of a shift.

I got dizzy, really noticeably dizzy. Everything became slow, again.
I had been here before, deja vu.
I felt slow, talked slower, moved slow. Everything slowed.
If I had pushed myself too much? I don't know.
Probably, in hindsight.

Then an emotional rollercoaster ride.
The ride downward. What happened?
Yes, there was crying.
As frustrating as this is, has been and will continue to be.
It seems like it won't pass, like it won't end.
I need to keep it in perspective.
That overall, it is better.

Yesterday, I kept thinking, "don't wig out".
Nobody told me that, nobody had to.
Don't wig out. I laughed to myself.
I want to freak out, kick and scream. But I won't, it won't do me any good.
So I relish the thought of doing it. I visualize it.


This will pass.

6 comments:

  1. A big hug for you Penny.

    I think often on you, and do hope that this will pass and we will all have our dear sweet Penny back - but most of all You will have You back.

    You know you're in my thoughts darling.

    Buffy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hiya, I have been true to my threat! And further to that:

    Labyrinthitis

    Buffy the Nurse

    ReplyDelete
  3. Another one:

    Labyrinthitis

    Look here at the diagram of your inner ear and note especially where the nerve goes into the brain. Considering the trauma you had when you fell it is highly probable you may have damaged this area, resulting in the symptoms akin to Labyrinthitis.

    Buffy - Still being the nurse

    ReplyDelete
  4. thanks

    I checked out the link and when I get the appointment with the ent doc., I will ask him about this.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not to worry Pen the brain is a much overated organ. Just think goverment officals have for generations seemed to function well enough without one. So on the bright side if yours turns to mush just think of the opportunities, like you could get a job as Harpers mentor.

    And I'm still dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight, Hardee harr harr.

    ReplyDelete
  6. with those marvelous toys?

    I don't want to be a harper flunkie!
    Nor a what's his name?? Liberal flunkie either.

    aarg, the brain is not overrated.
    I am realizing just how much I appreciate mine!

    grumble, grumble

    and want it back,dammit
    back and well

    and I will, I will silverfish.

    I'll be kickin' ass!

    ReplyDelete

TROLLS &SPAM WILL BE DELETED WITHOUT HESITATION
KEEP IT RELEVANT. NO PERSONAL ATTACKS