From the second, the very second of impact.
Concuss "to shake violently"
That flash of white, at impact. What was that?
Was it all the electricity suddenly jolted out of my brain cells?
That is what I am told.
It really has me thinking....
A line from a Who song plays in my head..
"Is it me, for a moment"
I think back to when this started, after the accident.
There was a time, I looked in the mirror.
And I couldn't see me.
Oh, I could see myself, no problem.
Not visual, but perceptual.
I looked into my own heavily glazed eyes.
I wasn't there.
I had a pretty good past week, not great, not "I am all better", but good
and I was feeling positive.
But like the diametrically opposed nature of many people's thinking, well, yah just can't have positive without negative.
The ups without the down.
And the down came suddenly, like a door slamming shut.
It was that dramatic of a shift.
I got dizzy, really noticeably dizzy. Everything became slow, again.
I had been here before, deja vu.
I felt slow, talked slower, moved slow. Everything slowed.
If I had pushed myself too much? I don't know.
Probably, in hindsight.
Then an emotional rollercoaster ride.
The ride downward. What happened?
Yes, there was crying.
As frustrating as this is, has been and will continue to be.
It seems like it won't pass, like it won't end.
I need to keep it in perspective.
That overall, it is better.
Yesterday, I kept thinking, "don't wig out".
Nobody told me that, nobody had to.
Don't wig out. I laughed to myself.
I want to freak out, kick and scream. But I won't, it won't do me any good.
So I relish the thought of doing it. I visualize it.
This will pass.